“Bros before hos” – everyone has heard this clever phrase about how men are supposed to have each other’s backs at all times, most especially when the ladies are concerned. I like the idea of this (maybe not the “ho” reference, but the idea that there is a guy code). On my run this morning, I tried to remember if there is a female version of this saying. I’d heard a few, but was shocked at the number available out there:
- Lasses before asses
- Sisters before misters
- Venus before penis
- Friends first, losers later
- Mates before dates
- Dolls before balls
- Hos before bros
- Chicks before dicks
- Holes before poles
- Ladies before mateys
- Friends before mens
- Besties before testes
OK – they are not all winners, but the idea is an important one. We ladies need to stick together and not throw each other over for the first guy who comes along. What does this mean?
- Don’t date, sneak around with or hook-up with your friend’s ex. Ever. Such a bad idea
- Avoid married (or otherwise committed) men at all costs. You may not know his wife (or girlfriend), but she is a person and does not deserve what you are considering doing to her. If he is that unhappy, he should extricate himself from that relationship before pursuing you. How can you ever trust someone who cheated to be with you?
- There are lots of guys out there – even when it doesn’t seem like it. Try not to fight with your friend(s) over one of them. I had a friend in college who would call “dibs” on every guy we saw. I call “BS” on this – the shotgun approach to dating is not fair to others. BUT, if there is someone special your friend is totally crushing on, move on and find someone else. Guys may come and go, but a good friend is with you forever.
- Try to stay true to who you are no matter what relationship you are in. Do not dump your friends just because you are in a relationship. Spend time with your boyfriend (absolutely), but make sure to carve out time with your friends, as well. Balance is so key here. They were here for you before him and, if this relationship ends, you want them to still be here. Take care of all of your relationships, not just the one with your man.
- Support each other. Stand up for one another if you hear someone disrespecting one of your own. Don’t let others call your brethren names like “slut”, “ho” or “bitch” (not to mention the “c- word”). If they disrespect other women, they are in truth disrespecting you at the same time.
Please remember we can be each other’s best advocates and support systems. We can choose not to disrespect each other and not to stand by while others do so. We can refuse to participate in cheating on our fellow women with their partners. We can put each other first and, thereby, put ourselves first.