I hope this doesn’t sound heartless… I really do hope it doesn’t, but you need to know you will survive whether or not your relationship does. I say this coming from a place of a happy marriage of almost 16 years. I think it would monumentally suck if he was to leave me, but way down deep, I know I would survive it. Why? Well, I’d survive it because I would have to. I have a child. I have a job. I have friends. I have family. All of these things are things that would help me to get through and also would be reasons to make myself get through it.
You might be asking why it is important to know this about yourself. Well, if you feel the loss of a relationship would be something you couldn’t bear, it might cause you to act in a certain way. When you feel something HAS to work, you probably start to feel a bit desperate. This changes the way you behave. You will do or say anything to maintain the relationship even if it is not in your best interest. Think of all the horrible things people have put up with in relationships: infidelity, abuse, neglect, substance abuse issues, criminal activities, I could keep going, but now I am just depressing myself. You need to know there is a line that if crossed, means you are out. You need to know that, though it may suck (big time), you could get out if you needed to. You would also survive if they used the escape hatch on your relationship.
This doesn’t mean, by any means, you are less committed to your relationship – I have no plans on going anywhere – just that you will not stay “no matter what.” You can and will leave if the relationship becomes unhealthy and/or dangerous. If they leave you, you will find a way to move forward and rebuild your life. You can and will survive this.